Trying Something New(ish)

I clearly haven't written for a while, and that's due to a few different things:

First, as I briefly mentioned back in August, I started school (again) -- like, teaching school and also attending school. I am working on my Education Specialist (Ed.S.) degree, and it turns out that grad school is a lot of work. Much of my away-from-teaching time is now dedicated to reading and writing about administrative practices in the education system, which leaves not a lot of time (or motivation) to write for pleasure.

Second, I have felt like a total failure on the nutrition front. I am kicking butt with my fitness routine, which should be a shock to absolutely no one, but I am not doing wonderfully with nutrition. I had a stellar week with Weight Watchers when I first jumped back on the bandwagon, and then regardless of how many "perfect," blue-dot days I had, my weight would remain the same or would even increase. It was super frustrating. Also, I feel like WW is designed for people who are not necessarily as active as I am, particularly with heavy-lifting. Relatedly, I think they're behind the times when it comes to fat; like, I want to be able to eat avocado and not blow all my points for the day.

Because my frustration level with WW went through the roof, I essentially just said, F it -- and ate whatever the heck I wanted to. That spiraled, and I found myself drinking wine far too often, snacking on popcorn and candy corn every night, and just making all around less-than-ideal choices.

I decided I need a reset, and I need a reset with something I know works for me.

Whole30.

I have done Whole30 several times in the past. Like, I don't even know what "round" this is for me.

I like this program because I don't have to count or weigh anything; rather, I just have to look at the label (or simply eat foods without labels). I also know that eating this way makes me feel good. I am also hoping that it can help get my hormones back in check; ever since I went off birth control, my hormones have been all over the place, and they're taking it out on my skin, particularly my face. I never had acne issues as a teenager, but now that I'm 36, I look like I'm going through puberty.

I'm also hoping that Whole30 will help with my tummy. I have always, always, always had a flat stomach; regardless of how much I've weighed, my tummy has been relatively flat. But lately, I feel like I look like I'm about five months pregnant. I need the bloat to go away.

I know it's superficial, but I want to look like I'm as strong as I am. I have some mad muscles under this layer of fat, and I want those muscles to pop. I want to see my body look like it's capable of looking.

That being said, I know there are some not-so-great things about the program, particularly with how it can lead to some disordered thinking around food. But, I am only going to do it for 30 days.

I created this calendar. As you can see, the top row has the days of the week, and just underneath that, I listed the dates. So, I'm starting tomorrow (October 28th), and my last day will be November 26th, just before Thanksgiving. I am clearly not going to be Whole30-ing it for that food-filled holiday, which means my Whole30 will only last for 30 days (unlike the 50-some days my first one did).

Yes, I also realize that going from eating 100% clean to, well, not in a matter of a day -- sans reintroduction period -- is likely to make my tummy go crazy, but I guess it's a good thing we have more than one bathroom in our house.

Oh, wait.

But I digress.

On the calendar, I also labeled each day with what Whole30 says I might be feeling. So when I am feeling super bloated on the 15th, I can check the calendar and realize that that's totally normal.

Another proactive measure I took was chatting with my trainer regarding my nutritional plans. He advised that I just keep talking about it (so as not to get too "in my head" with the potential of disordered thinking). I also mentioned that after Thanksgiving, I would like to chat with him about the possibility of looking at macros -- or something a little less restrictive -- to keep me on track.

Honestly, though, any sort of tracking has the potential to get me a little too Type A, a little too preoccupied with perfection.

To help with my planning, I created another document. (Remember that whole Type A thing I just mentioned?)

I'll be creating this each week so that I have a game plan. The far left column lists meals (Whole30 recommends numbering the meals rather than calling them breakfast, lunch, and dinner). I also created a row for snacks; while Whole30 does not advocate for eating between meals a whole heck of a lot, I would prefer to be prepared in case I get hangry. After all, my commute can be long -- and very close to dinner time.

The bottom row tells me what I have going on for the day, things that might interrupt my schedule. For instance, because I have grad school on Tuesday night, I want to plan something fast and easy to cook. The same goes for Thursday, when I will be getting home from work super late due to teaching independent study and then handing out candy to trick-or-treaters. That meal is a crockpot one.

Today, I spent approximately one million dollars at three separate grocery stores (Trader Joe's, Target, and Whole Foods): I forgot how expensive this is. But, I'm hoping it will be less expensive going forward now that I have some of the staples (i.e. arrowroot powder, coconut aminos, sugar-free mustard and salad dressing, etc.).

I then spent a few hours prepping food: hard-boiled eggs (courtesy of my Instant Pot), breakfast quiche for the week, and tomorrow's lunch. I also packed everything in their individual containers so they're good to go for a fast meal-packing tomorrow morning.

So, here's to something new(ish). Stay tuned for how it goes!

Success

As I posted last night on Instagram, I was really looking forward to my first weigh-in since my trial week of restarting Weight Watchers. (It wasn't really a trial, I suppose, since I legit stuck to it and did a darn good job, but I wanted to "officially" restart at the beginning of the month.)

Well, I had reason to be excited:

You read that right: three pounds are gone.

I'm really proud of how well I made a goal and stuck with it last week. There were ample opportunities to "slip up," including a Panera-catered breakfast on Monday morning, candy galore at various meetings throughout the work week, and treats in the staff lounge nearly every day. There were also a couple of days where I really wanted a glass of wine or an easy-to-grab-but-full-of-calories dinner, but I opted against all of the above, especially when I saw the "blue dot" was within reach.

(A "blue-dot day" happens when you're close to hitting your daily points target: ten points below or five points above.)

What can I say? For better or for worse, I am extrinsically motivated. Gimme all the blue dots.

Yesterday was a weird day, including breakfast at 11:00 and lunch at 5:00, so don't judge me on my popcorn dinner.

I mostly stuck to the pre-determined meal plan, too. Some of the meals got moved to different days, and there was one recipe I didn't make at all; but, that will be tonight's dinner instead.

What I am really excited about is that I was not hungry -- like, at all. I think drinking a lot of water and trying to fill myself up with fruits and veggies really helped in that regard.

Also, I was able to have fun meals, too; for instance, I had a poke bowl for lunch/dinner yesterday that was to die for, and on Friday, I had a bagel sandwich (with smoked salmon, capers, and arugula), which was worth every single point.

Last week, I also worked out five days, despite coming down with a late-summer cold. I took Wednesday morning off (a day I normally do Pilates), and I skipped Saturday as well. I normally don't work out on Saturdays, but I was also so ridiculously exhausted (and not feeling well) and pretty much slept all day anyway.

I had some other successes as well: I more than hit my goal with water intake every single day except for one when I was just short of it. (It was Saturday, and I was too busy sleeping all day to drink water.)

I had Caribou and Starbucks once each and sushi zero times; but, to be fair, I did grab a poke bowl twice instead. What can I say? I love me some ahi tuna.

I did an okay job with phone time, but I found myself "ignoring" the time limit a few days. Oh well: baby steps.

What I really need to work on now, though, is sleep and steps. I only met my sleep goal four times last week (although I was just four minutes short one night). And, I didn't hit 8,000 steps or 10/12 "movement" dots at all; perhaps that was due to lots of meetings and focused work time, but regardless, I need to up my game.

All of this is to say that I am really excited about keeping this momentum going. I am ready to feel good again -- and am determined to make it happen.

Thanks for reading. :)

Routine

I love summer.

I am a teacher, so I technically have three months without work. I emphasized "technically," however, as very few educators I know actually don't work June through August. For instance, I had trainings and various meetings all through June, chaperoned a student trip in July, and continued my curriculum work and leadership meetings throughout August. There were very few days where I did not work on school.

Even when I am "doing school" during the summer, though, it is much more relaxed and without a routine.

Perhaps because I am so Type A, this lack of routine really messes me up, which is why it's now the end of August and I am actually looking forward to having somewhere to be five days a week.

Back to school means back into the groove.

And -- hopefully -- get back to being healthy.

This summer, I have not skimped on my fitness; rather, I have worked out at least five days a week and oftentimes even more if we add in bike rides, hikes, long walks, etc.

What I have not done, however, is focus on healthy habits in other regards. For instance, my nutrition has been horrible: I have enjoyed several White Claws and glasses of prosecco, I have eaten my share of ice cream, I have ramped up my sushi addiction, and I have spent far too much money at Starbucks. Additionally, while I read approximately a billion books this summer, I also spent way too much time binging Netflix and Hulu (specifically all six seasons of Glee, lots of Queer Eye, the new Veronica Mars, etc.) and scrolling on social media.

So, now that school is starting and I have a routine again, I decided to set some goals, some intentions.

Nutrition

Weight Watchers

I have been paying $19.99 per month for absolutely nothing. I weighed myself once this summer and tracked maybe three days of points. FML.

My plan is to absolutely get back to tracking every single thing I put in my body -- and to get a lot of "blue dot" days.

I am also planning to post about this journey on Instagram. I want to use this account more actively, too, so that I am inspired by others who are in the same boat as me. I'd like to start posting dinners I cook, point totals for the day, weekly weight loss, and possibly workouts.

Water

I need to up my water intake significantly. I absolutely need to shoot for a minimum of 80 ounces per day. For some reason this is so much easier when I'm at work.

La Croix totally counts in my water intake.

Fruits & Vegetables

While I cook a lot with vegetables, I rarely make side dishes, and I think bumping up my dinners with more sustenance (i.e. veggies), I will be fuller longer. I'd like to eat at least two servings of fruits and vegetables each day -- in addition to what I include in the meals I cook. So, for instance, I'd like to have a banana for lunch and an apple as an after-school snack, carrots for lunch and green beans at dinner.

Supplements

I have been a rockstar in this regard, so I'm planning to simply continue during the school year. Each day I take prenatal vitamins (I started last year to boost nail and hair growth and continued this year because, well, fingers crossed), Vitamin D, a probiotic specifically for women's health, and Metamucil.

Starbucks and Sushi

This may seem silly, but because of my crazy Starbucks and sushi addictions, I am going to make a goal: I am limiting myself to Starbucks twice a week (hopefully even less than that) and sushi twice a week (again, hopefully even less than that). This is a nutritional goal for sure (although, there are certainly worse addictions food-wise), but it is also a financial goal. Insert wide-eyed and money-with-wings emojis here.

Fitness

Weight Lifting

I am still loving my personal training sessions. I wish I could up it to twice a week rather than just once, but it's already too pricey (with my Pilates membership, too). I recently leg-pressed 1,000 pounds and felt like a total badass, so I'm going to continue setting and crushing goals there.

This was a while ago; hopefully my back looks even stronger now.

Pilates

I just love Pilates -- the workout, the studio, the instructors, the friends, everything. I plan to continue my Pilates practice at least four days a week, possibly even five or six. I'm looking forward to my routine again: waking up at 5:15 a.m. for a 6:00 class before work.

This was also a million years ago; I want to try it again soon.

Steps

I am back to wearing my Fitbit Alta, and my goal is to get either 10/12 "movement" dots a day (it can be hard to get all 12 due to my commute) or 8,000 steps per day. I would like to have a goal of going on a walk every evening, but I don't know how realistic that is, as I won't get home until later in the evening and will have to cook dinner, straighten up, etc. Stay tuned on that one.

Random

Sleep

I have come to realize that I need a good seven hours of sleep each night in order to function at an optimal level. So, that's my plan.

100% not me -- but 100% what I look like when I sleep.

Phone Time

I spend far too much time randomly scrolling on Instagram and Facebook -- and playing mindless games (like Candy Crush, Two Dots, and Wooden Block Puzzle), specifically when I'm watching TV. There is no reason for that. I am going to limit my "random phone time" to two hours per day. Sadly, I think this one will be tough. But, I also just figured out how to literally limit my screen time, courtesy of my iPhone's settings. So, maybe that'll make it easier.

I'm also hoping, though, that by limiting my phone time, I will also be increasing my reading time (which is already quite high) and possibly my writing time. I truly love writing but just haven't had the motivation to do so much lately -- likely because it's way easier to just zone out on the phone.

Oh, I'll also need to limit the phone to read and write more because I accidentally signed up for more grad school. Insert worried-mom-face emoji here.

So, that's my plan. I'm hoping that if I can stick to these goals, these intentions, I'll feel better about myself. While I am so ridiculously happy in so many ways, I am also feeling very, very low in the area of self-esteem, self-image lately. I want to get back to feeling amazing.

Proud

I haven't updated y'all with a weight-loss / weight-gain post since February 4th, which was a whopping three weeks ago. So, here's the result of that time period:

Honestly, it's what I expected, as I mentioned in my last post: with traveling, having 8,000 snow/cold days, coming down with The Plague, and just getting off track in general, the scale was bound to move in the less-desired direction.

So, you may be wondering why in the world I titled my post Proud. Well, friends, let me tell you:

1. I have had two super-hard workouts already this week. Both yesterday and today, Pilates was tough, and I pushed myself.

At my main location (Woodbury), we're working on an advanced-to-me move, Snake:

This video is 100% not me.

I am very strong, and I am pretty decent at most Pilates moves. I am not, however, good at anything that involves holding myself up with my arms/wrists/hands, especially when it involves a moving surface.

I'm not entirely sure why. Part of it, I think, is that my elbows hyper-extend quite a bit, and I'm worried about them doing so when I'm trying to hold myself up; also, this hyperextension can make my wrists pretty sore when I put weight on them. Part of it is that I am not confident in the strength of my arms versus the power of my legs.

Whatever the reason, these types of movements terrify me.

But yesterday, I attempted a very-adapted version of the exercise pictured above, and I was able to get up -- albeit for a short time -- on my wrists. And that made me proud.

2. I stuck to my nutritional plan both yesterday and today. Yesterday, it was fairly easy, but today, I chaperoned a field trip, and our wonderful cafeteria workers packed me a sack lunch. While I ate the apple sauce, I opted out of the turkey sandwich, chips, and animal crackers and instead ate the lunch I packed. (I did, however, eat the animal crackers -- and tracked them -- on my way-too-long commute home.)

And speaking of that long commute home, I really didn't want to cook and instead wanted Jesus and I just to head to a restaurant instead. But, we made a good choice: we got home, cooked some fast (and delicious) chicken, and noshed on a salad instead.

3. The aforementioned field trip was so much fun. We took our Student Leadership Team to Base Camp for team-building and leadership-strengthening activities.

We started the morning with a goofy ice breaker; most of the students participated, but some were definitely "too cool."

That quickly changed, though, when we did the first "challenge." The whole group had to "island hop" across a "lake full of lava," and they only had two thin boards to use for assistance. It started off as a very individualistic activity, but students quickly realized they had to work together -- and did a really great job of it.

We did another activity where they were all thisclose to each other, which on any other day would likely have not worked; my students really like their space, often wanting to sit all alone rather than with even one more person at the table. But they all participated, and they all did great.

After a quick lunch, we were going to do a high ropes course but instead opted to rock climb. I was originally a bit salty about this, as rock climbing is hard, and I have never been super successful at it. I really wanted to participate -- and be a kid with, well, the kids, but I was uncertain that I could, simply because I am not good at rock climbing.

Well, guess what?

That's me! And I'm, like, a little more than halfway up the wall!

It was really, really hard, and I was really, really not confident, but I did it!

I asked a student to take photos while I was climbing, and I'm not going to lie: while I wanted photo documentation of my attempt, I was dreading what the pictures would look like. I mean, it's hard to look amazing (suck it in, pop it out, get the good angles, find the light, etc.) while in weird climbing formation.

But you know what? I'm not super disappointed in these photos! In fact, I think I look pretty darn strong! And, I'm really, really proud of myself.


So even though the scale has gone up over the last three weeks, I am overall very pleased with how I'm doing: I feel strong, I feel (more) confident, I am stepping outside of my comfort zone and taking risks, and I am looking better -- even in those unplanned, unposed photos. :)

Oh, and even with this recent gain, I'm still down 9.8 pounds overall.

And as I continue to stick to my nutritional plan, I know I'll keep going down.

Adios!

Off Track

Y'all, I got wayyyyyyy off track the last few weeks. As I've mentioned before, I thrive on routine, and my life the last month has been anything but routine.

The last week of January, we had four snow days in a row. Then I came down with some serious sickness, went to work for two days (one of which was a teacher workshop day), and then headed out of town for three days. Less than a week later, two of my best friends came to the Twin Cities, and then the next day, the three of us and my other BFF went to Daytona for four days. This past week, we had yet another snow day.

It's been crazy, to say the least.

And my nutrition has suffered -- hard core.

But I will get back to the grind. Tomorrow, I start anew with a weigh-in, daily/weekly points, and 100% tracking. I'm also going to restart my goal-tracking, as I completely fell off the wagon in that regard, too.

In order to stick better to my nutritional plan, I'm going to focus on my why: the reason that eating healthfully is so important to me, the rationale through which I will achieve my goals.

First and foremost, I want to feel good. I have to admit, though, that I've been feeling pretty amazing the last few months, even though I'm not looking quite the way I want to look. Much of that likely has to do with a solid workout regime, some mindful self care (through relaxing baths, reading, writing, time with friends and family, etc.), and better nutrition.

Second, I want to look good. I realize how superficial that may sound, but it's true. For me, it's not necessarily "looking good" so that I can wear a certain thing (I already wear what I want -- but it'd be nice to fit into the cute clothes that are already in my closet) or so that people find me attractive (my boo tells me everyday how beautiful I am). Rather, I want to look the way I feel, especially strength-wise. I want my hard work in the gym to show in my physical appearance.

This image popped up on my TimeHop from three years ago:

I was definitely not in as great a place mentally as I am right now, but I was eating well and working out a ton (probably a little too much, hence the ankle injury that has sidelined me too dang much).

I loved the way I looked, though, and I truthfully feel like I've never looked better. I wasn't thin by any means, but I was strong, and my muscles were poppin'.

This is a photo that my trainer posted several days ago:

Granted, this is not going to be a flattering pose/angle for anyone, and while I felt super strong while she was taking the picture (I mean, I was pressing seven hundred and twenty pounds), I was so disappointed when I saw the photo.

I want to look like the girl from three years ago.

Also, I have a wedding coming up. I'd like to look as smokin' as possible in that wedding dress (even though I know that Jesus is going to cry when he sees me in it regardless -- he's going to think I look beautiful no matter what the number on the scale says), and I don't want to worry about not liking how I look in the photographs.

So, that's my why*: I want to feel good, and I want to look good. I want my inner strength (and my physical strength) to show outwardly.

With my current workout routine -- and with walking and light running added in as soon as spring decides to arrive -- and better nutrition, I know that I can get there.

*Also, I'm paying money for Weight Watchers. I need to stick to it, otherwise I'm basically throwing money away. Come on, Emily.

The Plague

This is going to be an ultra-short post, as I came down with some sort of sickness -- likely The Plague -- on Friday night, and it's been kicking my butt ever since. I was couch-bound all weekend, but I did get up to go to work today, only because a.) it was a professional development day and therefore relatively easy and b.) I will be missing Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday for a conference in Duluth. Oh, and c.) I never call in sick because I'm stupid.

But, I wanted to update the ol' blog with my weekly weight change. This time, it went in the right direction:

Because this was the first non-January weigh-in, I also thought I'd update my yearly weight-loss calendar:

Despite the two weeks that I've gained weight over the course of this journey (both of which were in January), I have lost a total of 13 pounds in eleven weeks.

I also think I should have taken measurements at the beginning, as I don't think this accurately represents what I've lost. After all, I've been gaining a ton of muscle (that has allowed me to leg-press 720 pounds, for instance), so I've been "tightening up" and "slimming down."

My Pilates instructor noticed last week, which made me feel super good.

February should be an interesting month regarding this whole weight-loss adventure, as I have a couple of trips planned. First, as I mentioned above, I will be heading to Duluth on Wednesday morning and will be returning Friday evening; I will be there for a conference, and I will therefore have limited options regarding food, especially for breakfast and lunch. I plan to make good choices, but I also don't know how much control I'll ultimately have.

Second, I'm headed to Daytona Beach next weekend for a sort of bachelorette party -- that is really just an excuse to have a weekend by the ocean with my girlfriends. I am SO excited. And, I can guarantee you that I'll be eating a lot of oysters, fish sandwiches, French fries with malt vinegar, and hush puppies, and I'll be drinking my share of piña coladas and red wine. And, I'm not going to trip over that at all.

One of my all-time favorite bars -- the Ocean Deck -- where much of the aforementioned eating/drinking will happen.

Oh, and we will be in town for the Daytona 500, so people-watching will be amazing.

But for now, I'm going to go lie down on the couch or in my bed. My head is throbbing, and I have been vertical for far too long.

"See" y'all soon!

Winter Break, Take Two

Along with much of the Midwest, I've been snowed/cold-ed in for the last several days. This is the longest stretch of unexpected days off of school I have had in my entire life. I have not been to work since last Friday.

It has been so nice.

(Before I get any further, though, I have to say that while it has been nice for me, I know it has likely been challenging for many of my students, particularly those who do not have reliable housing, those who rely on school for food, etc. We were also supposed to have the food pantry come to school on Monday -- a service on which many of our students depend -- but we had a snow day. So, I am constantly trying to reconcile my feelings of joy and relaxation with empathy for others' situations.)

School was called fairly early on Sunday -- for Monday. And then on Monday afternoon, both Tuesday and Wednesday were called due to temperature (-50 degree windchill), and Thursday was called last Wednesday afternoon. It's been absolutely bonkers.

Raygun is the best.

On Monday, I slept in and went to a later Pilates class. It was pretty darn cold, and the roads were a bit slippery, but it wasn't horrible. Then I came home and shoveled so got a "bonus" workout.

On Tuesday, I slept in again and went to another Pilates class. When I first went outside, I was like, "Okay, this is chilly, but it's not the worst." Then I went tanning (hey, I'm going to Florida in a couple of weeks), and it was across the street from Bibelot, an amazing store that is closing and therefore offering huge discounts, so I wanted to check it out. I was outside for maybe three minutes, and that was enough for me: it was the coldest air I had ever felt. It was honestly hard to breathe! After that, I went to Firestone for an oil change, where they promptly told me I needed a new battery or my car would not start on Wednesday.

On Wednesday, I slept in and had plans to do absolutely nothing. The wind chill was -50, and there was no reason for me to venture outside for even a second. Jesus, though, was going to run an errand with my car; however, it wouldn't start -- despite my brand-new battery.

Today, I picked up my car from Firestone (apparently it was flooded?) and went to my training session (and leg-pressed seven hundred and twenty pounds). I have to say that it was kind of nice to get out of the house, even for just a teeny tiny bit.

Also, today's -4 degrees felt -- dare I say it? -- WARM. I'm clearly a Minnesotan now.

What, might you ask, have I done in the last six days?

1. I watched a lot of TV: The Ted Bundy Tapes, Catwalk, The Assassination of Gianni Versace, and lots of random shows like Grey's Anatomy, This Is Us, Schitt's Creek, Big Mouth, Criminal Minds, Seth Meyers, etc.

2. I read Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine and absolutely loved it; I hope there will be a sequel. I started The Lost Girls and am excited to read more of it today.

3. I did an entire 1,000-piece puzzle in approximately 12 hours.

She's such a good helper.

4. Jesus and I played a lot of Backgammon. And when he went to the basement to paint, I also played myself in Backgammon.

5. I did some online shopping because, well, Florida.

6. Jesus and I had a mini spa day with facials, and then I painted my nails and took a bath with a bomb and bubbles; it was glorious.

7. I snuggled a lot of kitties. I think they're going to have a rude awakening when we have to go back to work tomorrow. (Although, they'll be back to their new reality when we're home again on Saturday and Sunday.)

Not pictured: the girl kitty who only wants attention when we're trying to do something, like putting together a puzzle, playing Backgammon, or cooking.

What I haven't done is clean the house (aside from vacuuming the stairs), do anything for school, put on makeup, plan any wedding things, be productive, drink enough water, or stick 100% to my nutritional plan.

But you know what? I've kind of needed this lack of productivity. Our actual winter break felt super busy and go-go-go, so having these unexpected days off only a month later has been really nice and has been a time for me to actually breathe.

So, I'm going to soak up these last few hours of "bonus" winter break by reading, relaxing, and rejuvenating.

"See" y'all soon!